I stepped onto the sidewalk with my two mediation clients. It was a beautiful, sunny day in Boston, about 70 degrees, with a very light breeze. It felt great to be outdoors. They thought so, too. I pointed down the block. "Let's head in the general direction of Chinatown," I said as we began to walk. Then I added, with a devilish tone, "And there's no turning around until something in the conflict really shifts for the two of you." They eyed me. "Do you mean that?" one asked. I shrugged. … [continue reading]
How to start a negotiation or mediation like a pro (and an artist)
13 April 2012
My mediator friend N knows how to start a negotiation or mediation like no one else. His approach works equally well when you're mediating someone else's conflict as when you're in a negotiation of your own. He once had a mediation between two men who were not talking to one another. I have no idea what caused the rift or brought them to mediation, but they came in and sat down facing away from each other, arms folded across their chests. "I’m here and I’ll talk to you," said one of … [continue reading]
Are you a virgin? and other questions to avoid
5 April 2012
Are you a virgin? asked Sugar. It was my first day of fifth grade at a new school near Philadelphia. I've never forgotten Sugar's name because I had never met a Sugar before and because she was very, very hip...long straight blonde hair parted in the middle, a beaded headband, bell bottom jeans and a fringed, beaded belt. A flower child clearly out of my fifth-grade, fresh-from-rural-upstate-New-York league. I don't recall where the teacher was at that moment, but Sugar had the stage and … [continue reading]
The Frank Lloyd Wright secret to creative problem solving
2 April 2012
Hints to the solutions for problems that vex are all around us. We either don't know where to look or the negotiation's been so painful that the loss of hope blinds us. I tell my conflict resolution grad students that mediators and negotation coaches aren't smarter or better than our clients, though we may look damn brilliant on occasion. It's an illusion, I tell them, so don't let your ego run away with you. We only look smart because we've trained our eyes and ears to notice the hints … [continue reading]
Every person you fight with
31 March 2012
Odds and Ends Two quick announcements: The teleseminar series I'm teaching for the Spirituality Section of the Association for Conflict Resolution has been rescheduled to begin in May. The new dates are available on the page of my original announcement, 3 Upcoming Speaking Engagements...Come Join Us. I've just released a mobile-responsive design update on my website. "Responsive designs" are developed for optimal display on all devices, including smart phones and tablets. The layout and … [continue reading]
3 upcoming speaking engagements…come join us!
21 March 2012
I'll be conducting a negotiation workshop at a major New England conference for women leaders in June, offering a conflict resolution teleseminar series for the Association for Conflict Resolution beginning next week, and facilitating an April discussion for New England conflict resolution professionals. I hope you'll consider joining us for one or more of these events. Here are the details -- please forward them to your colleagues and friends! Getting conflict unstuck: Using the power … [continue reading]
