Have you ever been bursting with a great idea, only to have the door metaphorically shut in your face? I call those dialogue-stoppers “door closers.” The good news is that in most instances, you can get that door opened again.
In 68 Ways to Shut Down Creativity (post no longer available), technical writer Whitney Potsus reflects on those kinds of moments:
We’ve all had it happen to us at some point in our career. The idea that really lit a fire under us, that recharged our enthusiasm, that prompted us to spend our free time researching. The idea that was our chance to introduce something new that would save time, save money, help users, open doors to new opportunities for ourselves, our employers, our customers. The idea that we were sure people could easily agree to.
Until we talked to a manager–especially a skeptical one.
Whitney then goes on to list four (from a list of 68!) classic door-closers…check her blog for a link to the full list. There are some classics.
When a colleague, supervisor or client uses a door-closer on you, intentionally or unintentionally, a good door-opener can prevent the dialogue from being shut down prematurely. Here are some of my favorite door-openers for such moments:
- Can you say a bit more about that?
- It would be helpful for me to understand your thinking…
- Hmmm…food for thought. I’d appreciate it if you’d think about it some more, and I will, too. Then let’s chat again.
- I know it can’t work. But if it could, what would it take?
- What would turn the idea from something unworkable into something possible?
- [In response to all the who/how questions:] Great questions! Sounds like the idea has merit if the details can be sorted out. Have I understood you?
You’ll notice most of them are questions or invitations to continue talking and understanding. Not one of them is a let-me-just-convince-you approach. Seek first to understand, as Stephen Covey said, then be understood.
I highly recommend Peter Block’s excellent book, The Answer to How Is Yes
What responses are conversation-stoppers for you?
Copyright © 2007 by Tammy Lenski. All rights reserved.
Photo credit: Gaston Thauvin
