In a mediation recently, each side was quite sure their memory of the original conflict situation was the right one, the correct one, The Truth.
I was reminded of the problem created by confusing perspective with Truth, with absolute rightness.
The Other Side, a traditional Zen story
One day a young man reached the edge of a wide and fast-moving river during his travel to another town. He sat on the banks for hours, pondering how to cross safely and get to his destination. Just as he was about to return to the village from which he’d started, he saw a well-respect Zen teacher on the other side of the river.
The young man called over, “Wise one, can you tell me how to get to the other side of this river?”
The teacher thought quietly for a moment, then called over, “”My son, you are on the other side.”
Hi Tammy,
I just happened on your site. I love the title and the picture of you is so sweet and inviting. I've read several of your posts. I especially like this one and the one about the passing of your dog (perhaps "like" isn't the right word. I was certainly moved. I love dogs and am currently living with a Golden Retriever. So sorry about the loss of Hugo the Huge).
Perception is reality, isn't it? For me, resolving conflict is as much about transforming the way we view the situation as it is about learning skills for handling it. I'm sure you've heard the Wayne Dyer comment (not sure it's original with him, but it's where i first heard it): "When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change."
Thanks for sharing your beautiful insights.
Larry, thanks for your very kind comments about both the blog and Hugo's passing — his is a large absence and it sounds like you would really understand what I mean by that.
I like the Dyer comment a lot and hadn't heard it before. And I fully agree with you — when I teach conflict resolution I spend very little time on skills and much more on the way people think. You sound like a kindred spirit!