Not all difficult conversations are hard because of conflict. Some are difficult because of the circumstances enveloping the conversation.
Circumstances like terminal illness, advanced age, and death.
My long-time colleague and friend Alice Estey has a special interest in facilitating of end-of-life shared decision-making and was one of the first elder and family caregiver mediators in the U.S.
In doing that work, she noticed a particular need that many folks have for guidance in talking with a dying person and easing their own discomfort in that very special kind of difficult conversation.
So Alice combined her master’s degree work in death and dying with what she knew so well about helping people have difficult conversations about end-of-life matters, and wrote an amazing booklet, When Someone Is Dying: What Can I Say? How Can I Help?.
Widely distributed in hospitals and hospices, Alice is now making that booklet available without charge in digital form to anyone who’d like a copy for use in their own conversations with loved ones who are dying. I’m grateful that Alice has given me permission to distribute it on her behalf. It’s one of the most elegantly simple and helpful booklets I’ve ever seen and we both want many others to have easy access to it.
Here’s an excerpt:
In order to be helpful to a person who is dying, you must start where she is.
Find out where she is:
Ask about her life and what has been important to her.
Ask what she has learned and what her fears are.
Ask how she is coping with dying.
Ask about her regrets and hopes.
Ask what she needs.
If she doesn’t want to talk about these things, she will tell you.
Alice’s booklet is available here, without any strings attached: When Someone Is Dying: What Can I Say? How Can I Help?
I invite you to share this post with anyone you know who might make use of Alice’s e-booklet. If you yourself are ill, share this post and resource with your friends and family. Please help us get the word out.