The grownups’ ABCs of conflict resolution

Forget the conflict resolution and dealing with difficult people recipes and focus instead on how you think about conflict, its management, and its resolution. When you change the way you think, you’ll change the way you respond.

I’ve been saying this in my workshops and courses for years and if you’ve been a reader of Conflict Zen for a while, you’ve heard me beat the drum here, too. One of the reasons I don’t do a lot of conflict resolution book reviews here on Zen is that, frankly, too few of them truly inspire me, pass my “how you think” litmus test, and give readers something refreshing and new to work with.

Finally, I have one to recommend to you, and recommend heartily.

A is for Asshole: The Grownups’ ABCs of Conflict Resolution, written by my California colleague and friend Victoria Pynchon, is like a breath of fresh conflict resolution air. Working from Asshole to Drama Queen to Questioner to Zen Master, Vickie takes our experiences of conflict and invites us to think more deeply about them, turns traditional thinking on its head, and opens up a vast territory of possibility in the process.

But here’s what I love almost as much as I love that Vickie is striving to change the way we think about conflict: Vickie’s writing style is very direct (how could it not be, with a title like that?) and yet very kind and loving. She doesn’t beat around the bush and wades unflinchingly into difficult waters she wants you to enter too – yet she does so in a way that makes it clear she has vast compassion and love for her readers. That’s a tough balance to pull off and Vickie does it with elegance.

The Grownups’ ABCs of Conflict Resolution is a fun, informative and easily digestible read, but don’t take that to mean it’s not worth savoring. This is the kind of book you’ll want to keep on your shelf for future reference and give to your family, friends and colleagues so you have a shared language about conflict.

And for those of you reading this who are my fellow dispute resolution professionals, here’s a self-serving tidbit: Amazon identifies my book and Vickie’s as frequently bought together – if you buy both, you’ll be eligible for free shipping!

Happy reading.