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The dog on the elevator

missy moo

When you have a problem with another person, where does that problem live? Does it live in them because they’re difficult? Or does it live in “the between,” the space between you?

In one of my recent corporate trainings, several people in the room were skeptical that the problem lives in “the between,” invested in the idea that the people who vexed them are simply “difficult people.”

Michael raised his hand and told this story:

A man gets on the elevator with his dog. At the next floor, a second man gets on the elevator, scowls, and says angrily, “Why is that dog on this elevator?” The dog growls at the man.

On another floor, a third man gets on the elevator. He smiles at the dog and says, “You are such a cute fellow!” The dog wags his tail happily at the man.

So where does the problem lie?

Thank you, Michael, for a story that will remain in my repertoire forever — simply and eloquently making the point.

About the author

Dr. Tammy Lenski helps individuals and organizations resolve conflict more simply and stay calm in conflict.

  • http://www.pacificcollaborative.com Peter Clark

    Great example Tammy. Thanks for sharing this. We interact in relationship to one another. We CO-exist. We change one another by being with one another, so that difficult person out there, is often the lens I am seeing through. Your story reminds me of two of my favourite bumper stickers:

    “Me. Dog. Codependent”
    and
    “Lord, help me be the person my dog thinks I am”

    • http://lenski.com/ Tammy Lenski

      Peter — I love those, particularly the first one! I have a bumper sticker on my car that reads “wag more bark less