Tammy Lenski Conflict Resolution
Turning workplace and interpersonal conflict into opportunity and peace of mind
On this day of Thanksgiving in the U.S., I want to say how thankful I am for all of you who subscribe to and read Conflict Zen. Knowing you're out there matters to me. If you're a long-time reader, you know that I occasionally take stock and ask readers for information or feedback. I'd be so grateful if you'd take a minute to answer my latest two-question reader survey. Thank you! [The survey is now closed. Thank you!] … [Continue reading...]
In Say NO by Default Derek Sivers tells a story about Steve Jobs privately presenting the then-new iTunes Music Store to an independent record label group. People in the room kept asking whether iTunes had certain features and when certain other features would be added. Jobs finally said, "Wait wait — put your hands down. Listen: I know you have a thousand ideas for all the cool features iTunes could have. So do we. But we don't want a thousand features. That would be ugly. Innovation is not … [Continue reading...]
Most of us who've included conflict management coaching in our mix of services for many years didn't have the good fortune new conflict management coaches now have: A terrific book on the subject. My story is typical: I started as a mediator, consultant, and conflict resolution educator. Where I first taught conflict resolution at the grad level we used a coaching approach to help new mediators master their craft. When I prepared my clients for mediations during intake, I naturally included … [Continue reading...]
Picture yourself stepping out to cross this suspension bridge in Vancouver, British Columbia. The Capilano Canyon Bridge is 230 feet high, 450 feet long, and sways in the breeze. Quite a rush (and to think I barely handled a platform 80 feet off the ground)! Now imagine that, just as you pass the midpoint in the bridge, when your anxiety is about peak, an attractive person of the gender toward which you're romantically inclined asks you if you'd be willing to stop, answer a questionnaire, and … [Continue reading...]
I was really charmed by this short movie, created by Charlie Short and Ming Hsiung for the Responsibility Project. It's titled Lighthouse and its message warms my heart. So easy to have blamed, yet so much damage if that had been the route taken by the villagers. So tempting to blame, yet so much more useful to be part of the solution. Happy weekend, everyone. [Can't see the video embedded here? Click on this link to view it in your browser]. … [Continue reading...]
I want to stay calm and flexible in my negotiation with him, said Ann. My goal is to keep my center and allow my reasonable self to lead the way, instead of my inner lizard. Good behavioral goal, right? Ann had been working hard to better manage her conflict triggers and had made excellent progress in low-stakes situations. Now she was about to negotiate with her husband about a money matter they'd been arguing about off and on for years – a higher stakes situation. After the … [Continue reading...]
Women, when you're negotiating salary, business contracts, departmental budgets, auto purchases and the like, figure out a way to imagine yourself as negotiating on behalf of others and not just for yourself. If you're negotiating salary, frame it as negotiating on behalf of your family. If you're negotiating a new car purchase for yourself, frame it as bargaining on behalf of your elderly mom, for whom you run errands on weekends. If you're negotiating a business contract, frame it as … [Continue reading...]
A couple of weekends ago, my little dog Smudge stood at the start line of a jumpers course in his second dog agility competition. A jumpers course is just what it sounds like -- most of the obstacles are jumps. Smudge loves jumps. He doesn't mind tunnels or running up and over an a-frame, but give him an agility course full of jumps and his little body quivers with joyful anticipation. When he's at the start line, waiting for me to give him the release (permission to start running), he's the … [Continue reading...]