Conflict Zen Blog by Tammy Lenski

Favorite conflict resolution lessons and stories, part 1

We're in the midst of my 10-year blogiversary celebration, a retrospective of the Conflict Zen blog for the past decade. I'm sharing both personal favorites and crowd favorites, those posts that make me smile, are good representatives for how I think and work, and/or continue to generate a lot of email from readers. If you've been around the blog for any length of time, you know I particularly like to tell stories and believe that stories are terrific ways to learn and remember an idea. So … [Continue reading...]

A 10-year blogiversary celebration

In a few weeks, the Conflict Zen blog will be 10 years old. I'm throwing a party to celebrate and I hope you'll join in. In February 2002, I'd been in business about five years and was looking for a better way to manage all the articles and newsletter content I was creating for prospective, current and past clients. I wanted to keep it online for easier use and access by clients and I wanted software that made it easy to manage. Blogging software fit the bill perfectly...and still does. … [Continue reading...]

The body in the suitcase and the conflict stories we tell

"Maybe he's got a body in there," quipped my husband. I watched the man walking toward us, dragging something heavy behind him. Even from a long distance, it was easy to see he was burdened by the load. "Yep," said I, "maybe so." We were walking our dogs on one of the local rail trails and as the distance between us and the man lessened, we began to make up a story about him and the body inside what now appeared to be a large rolling suitcase. Perfect for body moving, we agreed, warming to … [Continue reading...]

I’ve cried a river: Rooster conflict teaches resolution lesson

Cindy June of Milton, New York, had a problem on her hands: Her pet rooster, Farnsworth, was waking the neighbors. His crowing even exceeded the town's 55-decibel limit in the noise ordinance. The town building inspector, who took readings of Farnsworth's loud crows, said later, "This wasn't one occurrence. Many neighbors complained." The Milton Town Court ordered Farnsworth's vocal cords to be removed, but bird specialists at Tufts and Cornell universities warned that such a procedure was … [Continue reading...]

7 stocking stuffer favorites for conflict resolvers

It's time for my annual holiday roundup of stocking stuffer favorites for conflict resolvers -- seven simple gifts to give or receive. Some are serious, some are humorous, none will break the bank, and all will fit in a stocking. With a little effort. Wag More Bark Less Bumper Sticker My car used to be the only one in town sporting this bumper sticker but now I see them more frequently. Drivers and I point and wave to each other, happy to be part of a not-so-secret society of good cheer. … [Continue reading...]

Negotiating for a new car? Maybe leaning left will help

If you're negotiating for a new car, some recent research would suggest that you might find it helpful to lean left -- literally. The research is part of a body of inquiry in the field of embodied cognition. Embodied cognition holds that the condition of the mind is influenced by the form and position of the human body. Researchers of embodied cognition include psychologists and cognitive scientists, among others. In a recent study at the University of Rotterdam, researchers were … [Continue reading...]

Fozzie and the fart shoes: Good lesson from Muppet movie makers

When Nick Stoller and Jason Segel set out to make The Muppet Movie, they ran across a few bumps in the road. One of those bumps was a debate about whether a pair of shoes could be called "fart shoes" or "whoopee shoes." But it wasn't really about the shoes at all. Just like debates about recapping the toothpaste or which direction the paper towels should unroll, the shoes weren't the real issue. They just - ahem - stood in for the real issue and sidetracked the meaningful conversation into … [Continue reading...]

Do you recognize these 7 early warning signs of getting hooked by a conflict?

Getting "hooked" by a conflict is the experience of being mentally snagged, caught by the conflict in such a way that you find yourself ruminating on it and feeling emotionally off balance. The earlier you know you're hooked, the better your chances of handling things in ways you can feel good about later. Here are some signs to watch for: Your body is conveying the physiological signs of anger (audio excerpt from my mini-course, Keeping Your Cool in Conflict). Your inner lizard is on … [Continue reading...]

Charms, demons in caves, and the mediator’s art of not knowing

LOOK, typed the young woman, THE CHARMS JUST DISAPPEARED? OK? THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO SAY! I stared at the capital letters, wondering if she normally typed with caps lock on or if she was yelling toward me in frustration. It was the late 1990s and I was one of a handful of mediators chosen to test a new online mediation platform for eBay. Online dispute resolution, or ODR, was in its infancy and we were learning and providing feedback on the software and experience as we went. The disputants … [Continue reading...]

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