Knowing someone’s interests can unlock negotiations in ways you never thought possible.
“Agree to 20 percent less and we have a deal,” said the university dean. She and I were negotiating my fee for a long-term training contract for her division.
“Well, you see,” I explained patiently, “I don’t arbitrarily inflate my fee in order to play a negotiation game. If my fee is too steep for your budget, then let’s discuss ways to revise the project so it fits your parameters. I’m sure we can find what works for both of us.”
“No,” she replied. “I don’t want to change the scope of the project. I just want to pay you 20 percent less than you’re proposing.”
And so we went, back and forth, me trying to explain that I don’t inflate fees, her trying to explain that she wasn’t willing to pay my full fee. It was like a polite tug of war. This was was one of the first big contracts in my new private practice 15 years ago. I certainly didn’t want to lose the contract but 20 percent was a very big chunk of change to cut out.
Finally, I did what I should have done at the very beginning: I stopped trying to persuade and started being curious. “Why 20 percent?” I asked.
“Because that’s what the VP for Finance is going to expect I got out of you.”
Well, I certainly hadn’t anticipated that response. “You mean you’re trying to satisfy a demand the CFO makes of you? That the dollar amount per se doesn’t matter?” I was incredulous.
“That’s right,” she replied, shrugging. “I’ve got the money already budgeted. But when I send this contract down for his final approval, he’s going to ask me if I talked you down.”
I did some quick math in my head. “I have a solution,” I said, reaching for the contract. “I’ll re-do the contract and increase my fee to this amount,” I said, pointing to the new figure I’d written in.
She smiled. “And when I take 20% off that figure, we’ll have the amount you came in with today, right?”
“Right.”
“Perfect!” she said. “Email the revised contract to me and I’ll cross out the amount, lower it by 20% and initial the revised amount, then send it on to the VP for his signature.”
I tell this story to my negotiation grad students and they never believe me. Frankly, it is such a crazy story I can scarcely believe it happened that way myself. But it did.
When negotiations get stuck, stop trying to convince and start trying to understand. You never know what will happen.
About the author
Making mediation your day job: The manual 
Calm down: How to de-escalate emotionally charged conflict 
Keeping your cool in conflict
Tammy – this is a great story and a good reminder of the power of “why”. It seems to me that if you can ask the question why (in a way not to put the listener on the defensive) that you can often get to the root of the problem.
That’s been my experience, too, Glenn. “Why?” asked out of genuine curiosity is one of our most powerful tools. Thanks for taking the time to comment!
I liked this story. And I do believe the negotiation dance is required. What if she cannot say that it didn’t matter where you started from, she just needed 20% off. I wonder if you can ever deduce that you need to come in higher?
Michael, I can’t say I’ve ever had someone refuse to tell me why they wanted something in a serious, thoughtful negotiation. On occasions where someone’s been reticent, I’ve said something like, “You know, if I can get a better understanding of what’s behind your demand, I’m pretty confident we can find a solution together.”
Hi Tammy – I love this story for so many reasons. Regardless of our experience, we can still get caught in the game of negotiation. You and your story make so clear the power of being one human being connecting to another.
Ain’t that the truth, Judy…so easy to get hooked, even for those of us who live and breathe this stuff everyday. I’m glad it happens though — it keeps us humble!
Oh yeah!
“You know, if I can get a better understanding of what’s behind your demand, I’m pretty confident we can find a solution together.”
The elegance of this statement in itself is humbling.
I find that the most difficult negotiations in mediation (for me) involve underlying needs and interests that the parties (people!) haven’t fully realized or been able to articulate. Sometimes the origins of these needs and interests is key. I find this difficult. Mediation is not counseling and/or therapy. Yet, I do find that in some situations, a person’s needs stem primarily from stuff unrelated to the circumstances, e.g., “. . . because my father always said I was a loser and would never amount to anything.”
I’d love your thoughts on this.
Thanks so much!
Debra
Hey, Debra, great to hear from you! Guess what…I’m doing an entire pre-conference workshop at ACR that relates to your question! Are you going to New Orleans?
I so wish I was heading to New Orleans! Just too much going on to be able to get away. I would have loved to attend your workshop!
the need to guage and get an answer for the WHY is beautifully said through this story.
yes, we fail to ask why and get caught in the mire of suspicion and expectations. the need alone provides the way out. so simple yet so difficult to put in use. thanks for this insight
Thanks, Uma. Sometime it is, indeed, the simplest things that prove hard to do!