Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in
– Leonard Cohen, Anthem
Forget your perfect offering. In conflict and conflict resolution your perfect offering gets in the way.
It gets in the way if you’re so worried about saying exactly the right thing that you paralyze yourself and so say nothing. Or hold back until you’ve held back too long, then burst with the frustration of it.
It gets in the way if you believe you’ve got it all figured out and present your solution to the other(s) involved, awaiting their nods of approval. Your anticipation of agreement sets you up for misery, anger, despair or frustration if they don’t view your offering as perfect as you do. Expectations of others responses are the stuff of disappointment and missed opportunity during conflict and negotiations.
Forget your perfect offering. Speak from your heart, with all its flaws and foibles. Expect that you – and they – will be imperfect as you sort through the problem. That’s the good kind of expectation to have because it gives you freedom of movement.
Embrace imperfection, the cracks that let the light in. Allow yourselves to be imperfect humans, trying to live your lives with a little grace, getting it wrong some of the time, getting it right much of the time.
Wow, beautiful. simple wisdom, Tammy, as I always expect from you. And what an amazing line from Leonard Cohen, that the cracks let the light in. Perfect!
In another lifetime as an addictions counselor, I got so fed up with an uncooperative client one time that I started writing my report on him as he kept on with a self-serving monologue. Eventually he grabbed the report and became a quiet little boy as he read it. It was not exactly complimentary. He asked if he was really like that. I said yes. He asked what I wanted him to do. I said go off to residential treatment. He said, "Sign me up," and he did great. You never know.
Thanks, Tammy, and have a wonderful year!
Stuart
Hey, Stuart, happy new year to you! I love your story because it highlights what's possible when there's a chance confluence between the unvarnished truth and someone waiting to be pulled out of their own stuck-ness.
Yes, Tammy, well said. If I had tried to engineer this outcome it might not have worked. A little divine providence.
Be well,
Stuart
A timely reminder for me that the only way to improve is by doing it!
Thanks for the "forget your perfect offering" post, Tammy. It's a great reminder to allow ourselves to be human. The beauty of Leonard Cohen's lyrics are also a gift. Thanks.
Karen — Right on! I have to remind myself of that, too, when I'm learning a new skill (like using a new sewing machine — the last one I touched was decades ago as a 10-year-old in Home Ec).
Kathy — I first discovered Leonard Cohen thanks to my college roommate and distinctly recall being awed by his austere, graceful lyrics. Ah, to be such a poet.